Horoscopes for April 16, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Put on a sombrero and have yourself a little dance! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) If you want to impress that new love interest you need to follow these directions to the letter. Be. Someone. Else. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) What would you do for a Klondyke Bar? Today,  you may just find your limit. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Ok. Maybe that was a little too much wind for kite flying. Try again today. Aries (March 21 – April 19) It seems as though you will be pleasantly surprised today. For once in your life. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) We think you should quit your job and become a gypsy. The pay isn’t the best, but you’ll really go places! Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Be on the look out for RSA today. RSA is short for Random Squirrel Attacks. There has been a major RSA influx in neighboring communities and we need to warn all. Your chances rate higher than average. We think it has something to do with you nutty behavior. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Get used to the idea that you are stuck with the one you feel closest to. We don’t think that the duct tape will hold forever, but it doesn’t wear away easily. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Once in a while you feel a little off kilter. Today will be like one of those days on steroids. Better have 2 V8’s. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) He who is strong in bo is lean in company. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Duck! We just saved your life. Don’t question our all knowing and seeing beady eyes of knowledge. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You may think that the storm has passed. But, then, you would be wrong. Big surprise there. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Don’t cry. It’s only your entire future. Well, since we put it that way, you should probably cry.]]]]> ]]>