Horoscopes for April 21, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Kick back and enjoy a nice nap. You can use your advanced age as an excuse. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) We know of a certain unofficial National Holiday that you celebrated yesterday. We won’t tell anybody. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You need to relax. Have a nice bubble bath. Stretch out and let your mind drift awa…. Nevermind, the kids are home. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Ever wonder how it feels to be a piece of road kill, squashed on the side of the road? Your wait is over. Aries (March 21 – April 19) If you want to succeed, you will have to try harder than that. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Annoying as she may be, your little sister loves you. Take her out for an ice cream later. Try not to kill her when she purposefully tries (and succeeds) in embarrassing you. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) We know of a way to open up new sights and experiences right before your very eyes. Hold your breath. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) There is a 42% chance that today will not suck nearly as bad as you had originally feared. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Jump in the deep end! Doesn’t matter if you can’t swim. Somebody is bound to save you…again. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Putting on your pouty face will only make who ever you are trying, in vain, to trick into doing something for you wish they could smash your face in. Hey, if they aren’t actually smashing your face in, pout on! Libra (September 23 – October 22) Due to the transparentness of your skin, you should stock up on sunscreen. Never forget your sunscreen. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) All of your friends are having a party without you. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Don’t cry. It will run your mascara and you can’t take another hit in the looks department.]]]]> ]]>