Horoscopes for April 22, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! And a very Happy Birthday to You!!! You deserve to be happy. Don’t get used to it though, it’s just one day. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Once in a while you have a great idea. We will pat you on the back when you do good. Did you get your pat? No, then there is a clue that you are wrong. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) There is a large gathering of people in your front yard. They baked you cookies! Heavy, hard brick-like cookies. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) In the beginning, we thought we could help you with your problem. After further inspection, nobody can. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Go to the store and stock up on cotton balls. We can’t tell you why, it’s a surprise! Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Have all of your friends over for dinner, We know how tight times are, but how much can 2 people really eat? Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Mini woodland creatures are tired of living their lives in the underbrush. Enjoy your new sleeping arrangements. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Be prepared for big changes! Oh wait, big change. OHHH! THE change. Sorry for the confusion. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Ever see one of those acts where some beautiful woman stands there and lets some sexy guy throw a knife into and apple resting on her head? You get to play the part of the apple today. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Having a good backup plan is your key to success. OK, you may need a Plan C, D, and E as well. Libra (September 23 – October 22) The good fairy that sits on your right shoulder is on vacation. You have been forewarned. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) XYZ Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Fear is a human reaction to danger. You need to work through it. We know you don’t necessarily like being strapped to the hood of a car barreling down the interstate. We are only trying to help you. Can’t you see that? Or have the bugs clogged your eyes.]]]]> ]]>