Horoscopes for April 27, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! It won’t rain on your parade today…. we hope. We know how you can get when you don’t get your way. We would hate do bring down your wrath. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) This is the first day of the rest of your…. Who are we trying to kid. This is just going to another crappy day in a very long line of crappy days. So, step up to the counter and get your daily dose of, yes, you guessed it, crap. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Bring an extra pair of pants today. There will be and accident involving a small child and a Jack in the Box.You probably won’t get the new job, but they will never forget you. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Milo tells us that you have been a busy little bee. Today, you should have a big ice cream cone. Don’t freak when Milo expects a bite for the good report he gave you. Aries (March 21 – April 19) The fairies of mischief will visit you late in the day. Try not to make it too late, though. Bails Bondsmen charge more for middle of the night calls. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Have fun explaining last night. We tried to warn you, but you wouldn’t listen. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Love is a strange and mysterious creature with large fangs ready to gobble you up. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) You are due for ‘one of those days’. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Chaos and Uproar rule the day. There is no avoiding it. Just float along the stream. And no paddle for you either. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) And a very Merry Un-Birthday to you. Don’t be late! Libra (September 23 – October 22) There is a car leaving Dallas, traveling at  68 miles per hour. Simultaneously, there is a bus leaving Memphis, traveling at 60 miles per hour. The question is: Do you have enough coffee creamer for your morning coffee? Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Pick a card, any card. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Life is a series of moments. You can file today under “Please, God, let me forget these!”]]]]> ]]>