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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for April 6, 2011




If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Sniff flowers today instead of glue.  You will probably sneeze but you’ll probably remember when someone tells you “Happy Birthday.” Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You will be electrifying today!  It’s either that or you’re gonna stick your finger in a light socket, hard to tell. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Whatever you do, don’t pick up the phone.  It’s work and they want you to come in for a meeting.  It’s not just any meeting.  It’s the kind of meeting that will rot your brain, blister your skin, boil your eyeballs and then, on top of all that, bore you to death.  Just go in at your regular time and blame everything on bad cell service. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Dance like nobody’s looking.  That’s really good advice, right up until Mark posts the video on YouTube. Aries (March 21 – April 19) There are starving children all over the world, but you deserve that third helping.  Dig in! Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Cancel the plans you made for this evening.  We know that you were looking forward to the NCIS marathon and the bucket of KFC, but there are other things in life that you should be doing… like, we don’t know, shaving your back! Gemini (May 21 – June 20) The days are getting longer and you’re becoming more energetic.  Since that’s so, we have a favor to ask.  Next time you decide to go for a run, put on some more appropriate clothing.  Gee whiz, that stuff you had on today was ATROCIOUS! Cancer (June 21 – July 22) There will be a strange, yet hauntingly familiar, person entering your life today.   It’s that person you kissed when you were in second grade.  They’ve gotten a sex change and still have their eye on you! Leo (July 23 – August 22) Today will be a perfect day for sitting at your desk.  If you happen to go outside, though, would you be so kind as to bring us a dozen eggs and a jar of pickles? Thanking you in advance, signed…  the Rats! Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Yesterday’s horoscope was dripping with sarcasm.   Telling you that you were brilliant was a really huge mistake.  With that in mind, let us rescind (that means “take back”) our stunningly awesome horoscope and issue a new horoscope for yesterday… and today… So here’s the new one: Just how stupid can one person be?  Nevermind, don’t answer that, it’s obvious that your brain can’t comprehend the question! Libra (September 23 – October 22) You will have the overwhelming urge to eat pumpkin pie filling all day.  Resist it.  It’s bad for you and we’re sure that the cans have all gone out of date. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Your day will be spent in line.  You’ll be standing in line at the grocery.  You’ll be “assisted by the next available operator.”  You’ll be waiting to get to the bathroom.  Be prepared to wait.  Oh… by the way… the horoscope will be issued after Raoul get’s back from his break.  See, you’re already waiting in line! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) There is something on your face.  It’s really unbecoming.  You should go look in the mirror.  Now.  It could be something bad.  We’re not sure what it is, but it’s shaped like a nose, but it’s really misshapen!]]]]> ]]>

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