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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for August 12, 2011




If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  You will need to hire a trained professional to remove the small tree dwelling creature that has decided to make a new home on top of your chest of drawers. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You’re in a funk… not playing funk.  Leave that to George and Bootsy… you should just sit around and mope! Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You have been pondering the meaning of life.  Allow us to guide you.   Go to the bookstore (or grab your Kindle) and pick up a copy of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.  The meaning of life is clearly noted in that grand book. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You have been struggling with a decision lately.  Let us settle your mind.  Choose the potatoes instead of the corn. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Gnats and aphids will hound you throughout the day. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Keep a bottle of water handy.  It will help you when your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Stop.  You’re more grown up than that!  What are you… twelve? Cancer (June 21 – July 22) If you speak out of turn today, you will be put back into your place by a tiny midget… ummm… we mean, little person. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Have you visited VicksHenge today?  VicksHenge…. Just like Stone Henge, only Closer, Warmer and with a Walgreens right next door.  Plus you can drive on the right side of the road!  Visit VicksHenge now! Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You will have the opportunity to appear live on national television, but you have a dilemma.  You ate at the Mexican restaurant for lunch.  Take some Bean-o and feel confident… either that or take Ben Franklin’s advice and Fart Proudly! Libra (September 23 – October 22) You will need to make some adjustments to your schedule when you realize that you cannot hear out of your left ear.  The solution involves a handfull of cotton swabs and lots of spare ear wax! Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will find your pants in the most unexpected place.  This makes explaining what happened to them even harder! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) When you were told to grab the brass ring, we figured that you had more sense than to grab the brass ring that was attached to the bull’s nose.   We’ll make sure that we send flowers to your hospital room!]]]]> ]]>

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