Horoscopes for August 16, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  Have a ball today! Actually you will have them all when an unruly child knocks over the entire display at the WalMart. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Keep in mind that you are not the smartest person ever. Going around acting like you are will only draw the rage of others. Yes, rage was the correct word. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Just pretend that you are working. What ever you do, don’t look idle. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Greater men have quit for less reasons. You are the envy of everyone, if only for your tenacity. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Bring an extra change of clothes. It’s going to be a very long day. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) If you continue to answer the work phone, “Holla”, you are going to get just what you have been asking for. Only this time it will come from your boss. And it will not be pretty. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Make a run for the border. Don’t feel bad because it’s just the border of the yard. It’s a start. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Let bygones be bygones. Invite your mother in law out for lunch. it won’t matter that she hangs up in your face. You will get all the brownie points, just for trying. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Victory will be within your reach today. But your fried chicken greasy fingers will let it slip away. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Keep you hands and feet inside the ride at all times. Libra (September 23 – October 22) At the first sign of drama, run and hide in the potty. It may be smelly, but it’s a whole lot safer. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Nobody will believe your wild stories. That means that you will not have any takers to join you. Yay, all the fun can be just for you! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Hop on the first bus out of town. After what you do this afternoon, it’ll be best to just leave it all behind. House, car, clothes, everything.]]]]> ]]>