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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for August 17, 2011




If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  Ask yourself if you really deserve that piece of cake!!! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You have found a new way to watch sports like a champion.  Your attempt to get your sports-watching method patented will be denied.  Guess you need to cancel that order for that championship belt! Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Jump around a lot today.  It’s good for your heart rate and good for your body.  When you fall down, stop jumping.  Luckily for you, it won’t be long before you fall down. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Find your inner piece….  that’s right… piece….  something came out of you when you coughed earlier this morning…. find it… it might be important. Aries (March 21 – April 19) You are incapable of having a reasonable discussion today. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Put on safety goggles when you are around your co-workers and tell them, “BACK UP… I’m attempting Science!”  You should be left alone so you can take that afternoon nap you’ve been wanting. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Your late night trip to Taco Bell will make your day very difficult.   It’s hard to accomplish a lot when you’re constantly in the bathroom. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) When that bully picks on your because of your stature, tell them that you’re not short, you’re “fun size!” Leo (July 23 – August 22) Lick postage stamps until you have consumed your daily allotment of soda calories….  It’s a great way to lose that spare tire. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Get the cabinet cleaned out for us please.  There is a spill and we’re not sure what it is.  It smells like it might have been honey, but it’s crystallized into something we don’t recognize. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Sanity is a relative term in your world.   You constantly wonder if other people’s safety is directly related to your sanity.  Let us confirm.  No.  You feel just like everyone else.  You are normal. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will begin to believe in Sasquatch when you see something unidentified walking across the parking lot.   Don’t be fooled.  It’s this guy named Ned.  He’s really hairy and gets his kicks running naked through parking lots. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You long for an all-you-can-eat pancake place that serves horrendous coffee and really sweet tea.]]]]> ]]>

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