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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for August 23, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! There will be nothing else happy about today. Sorry. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Believe in the power of change. That’s what has been weighing you down all day. Empty out your pockets. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Remember which side your bread is buttered on. Here’s a hint: the side that hits the floor first is usually the buttered side. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Have your hearing checked. Those farts are NOT silent. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Look up and commit to memory the definition of DILLIGAF. It will be your new favorite saying. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Random people will walk up to you and ask you, “Did you get that thing I sent you?” Just walk away. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) A plague of Biblical proportions is headed your way. We are going to have to keep the exact nature of the plague to ourselves, but can tell you that it is not locusts. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) We have no idea what “cahoots” means, but you should be careful to not fall into it. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Millions of tiny needles will pierce your foot later today. At least that is the way that you will feel…and walk. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Have you thought about joining the circus? Other people have been mentioning you and the circus in the same sentence, so we were wondering. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Keep your eyes on the prize. Doesn’t matter if the prize is a billion dollars or a hunk of chocolate cake, keep your eyes on it. Folks are after your prize. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You get to tell one tiny lie today. It’s either lie or get beat up. Remember self preservation and the words, “one” and “tiny”. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Whenever your boss comes around, break out into a sweat. We know sweating on cue may seem impossible, but with enough determination, we have confidence you can do it. Just don’t strain too hard. Your boss may think you are trying to go number 2.]]]]> ]]>

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