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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for August 26, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! We see a horrible accident with the flames from your cake in your immediate future.  Carry a can of air so you can blow out the flames. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) There is no way you are going to accomplish your goals unless you actually get off the couch. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Be very careful when walking outside today.  There are many ways that you can be injured.  One of them is the guy following you with a knife tucked behind his back. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Great things will happen to someone standing in line near you.  You can claim that it was because they were standing near your greatness but deep inside, you know the truth. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Jambalaya tastes great, but that concoction that you will make later today will not. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You have been drinking plenty of liquids and have done a very good job of remaining hydrated during these hot summer days, but you need to go release some of that liquid or you will injure yourself.  Really… how long can you do the pee-pee dance? Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You are what Willis was talking about. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Your kayaking trip in the Ozarks needs to be better thought out.  You will hear banjos and wish you had an outboard motor! Leo (July 23 – August 22) Glamour Shots are so out of style, that it’s pathetic.  You really should think about that and how it relates to your life. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Everyone you know will come in contact with each other today.  This is really bad for you. Libra (September 23 – October 22) You cannot do everything.  Face it.  You have problems doing one thing at a time. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) We could explain this day to you for a thousand years, but we can’t make you comprehend it. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) We understand that you love cats, but we’re kind of confused why you would put hot sauce on them.]]]]> ]]>

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