Horoscopes for August 28, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Your friends and family have grand plans in the works, but the plans do not include anything connected with your birthday.  You’ve been forgotten again…. but we want to tell you Happy Birthday… see who your real friends are??? Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Crying your eyes out may get you out of the hole that you dug yourself into.  The question is:  Can you cry on cue? Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) The people that you surround yourself with today say a lot about the content of your character.  It looks like your character has no content, because there are no people surrounding you… unless you count your 324 Facebook friends. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) It’s time to accept some very hard truths about yourself.  We’ll give you the day to let that thought sink in before we begin to elaborate. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Piling your plate sky high with food at the all-you-can-eat buffet is just wrong.  You know you can go back for more.  Why make yourself look like a pig… or are you afraid that you’ll be made fun of if you make multiple trips… or is it just plain laziness??? Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Waiting.  That’s not us waiting on the sign for what your day is going to hold… that’s the description for your day… WAITING! Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Ply your skills at the game of solitaire.  It’s one of the most fun activities for the large amount of alone time you will have today. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) You really haven’t been the same since that house fell on top of your sister. Leo (July 23 – August 22) The stars would love to influence your future, but they are powerless against your well-established, albeit senseless, patterns of behavior. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You have always wanted a monkey to help out around the house, but you will find that the only thing the monkey helps to do is fling nastiness everywhere. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Your problems at home could be helped if you would just hire a professional to remove the colony of cats that has set up shop there. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Your life will move from comedy to tragedy, but there is a larger group of people who will laugh after the change. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) If you ever regretted not becoming a demolition derby driver, today will bring you an accidental chance to live out that dream!]]]]> ]]>