Horoscopes for August 30, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Be pleased that you will only have to live this day once. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Keep an open mind. You never know mayonnaise in your red beans and rice may taste good. and it could be lucky for you too. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Make sure you plant each step squarely on the ground. Or else disaster could strike and you will end up with egg of your face…literally. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Measure twice, cut once. That is the general rule. But we know that you do not believe in rules. Hence that second trip to the lumber store. Aries (March 21 – April 19) No matter what, when the you know what hits the fan tonight, do NOT look back. You will be spared if you heed our advice. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Don’t be too embarrassed. that restaurant purposefully tries to get you to transpose the letters in it’s name. We are sure that the Senior Vice President will allow you just this one little gaffe. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Don’t take any chances. Wear clean underwear. We know how careful you normally are, but today is no ordinary day. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Many people will look at you strangely today. Maybe you should give yourself a really good once over before running out of the house. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Have fun trying to explain how your car ended up on the roof. Nobody will buy anything that you say. Just go with, “I found it that way.” Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Under different circumstances, your actions would be cute. Under these circumstances, you look like an idiot. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Think of all the little children. THE CHILDREN!! Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Be on the look out for an escaped wild animal in your area. It actually could be Uncle Fred, but we aren’t taking any chances. Neither should you. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) We think it bares repeating, don’t lick the frost in the refrigerator. Your tongue will stick to the side. Nevermind, do what ever you want.]]]]> ]]>