Just Plain Fun
Horoscopes for August 4, 2011
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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Be careful where you step, Rover left you a few birthday surprises. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) In mixed company, watch yourself today. You will be as eloquent as a Kardashian tripping on Robitussin. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Stay away from escalators at all cost.You know that movie where that horrible thing happens to that kid? That is the least of your worries. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Fairies will sprinkle you with fairy dust. Oh, wait, that’s just dandruff. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Crying a river is not quite possible, but you will come close today. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Have you ever thought of what would happen if you mixed a poodle and a Siamese? Don’t lie! You know you think about it constantly. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) All of your dreams will come true today. If you dream of flat tires, parking tickets and missed connections. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Make a step in the right direction. That would be forward, silly. Anything else would be counter productive. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Just because everyone tells you that you rock at karaoke, doesn’t mean you are idol material. Save the money trying to get on the show and buy the bar a round. You be more popular and probably sound better. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) In the beginning, it was easy to pass off your naivety as cute, but not knowing basic acceptable social skills is just ridiculous. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Have fun trying to explain the dent in you friend’s new car. They will never believe you did it by leaning on it. Time to hit the gym, our big friend. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Yesterday was a day of celebration and awards. Today, you should just return the reward and beg for forgiveness for having accepted it in the first place. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Remain calm. Take long deep breaths in through the mouth and out through the nose. It can’t last too much longer. Wonder what the life expectancy of a spider is.]]]]> ]]>
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