Horoscopes for August 9, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  Yay! You made it. Of course there will be a lot of people that are angry at you. There was a pool. And with this birthday you blew away all of their expectations! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Some people will call you lazy. They are right, but ignore them anyway. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Call your mom. We know that it will be a 2 hour ordeal, but you could use the brownie points. There is an incident in the near future that will mean you HAVE to call mom. Better get started, time’s ticking. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You never believed in all of the little fairy tales that you were told as a child. That is why you will be so caught off guard by the events that will take place this afternoon. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Don’t fall for no wooden nickles. We know it’s old advice, but with today’s financial concerns, we fear a resurgence in wooden nickle production. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Brave the rapids today. Don’t let anybody stand in your way! Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Join the chorus line. We know from your shower performances that you can not sing, but you can move your mouth with the words really well. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Have hope in a brighter tomorrow, or the swelling of your eyes to go down. Either way, same outcome. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Find a new home for your car. We know that you love it. That is our point exactly. Your affections are beginning to freak your neighbors out really bad. The cover was ok, but the 4 a.m. feedings have got to stop. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Have exact change at lunch today. It will save a whole hour of drama. Libra (September 23 – October 22) You need to work on your people skills.  Growling at the neighbor kids may seem funny, but daddy might not take too kindly to crying kids. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Have you thought about getting a pedicure. You should. It could improve your sleeping arrangements. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Save the best for last. Except for dessert. Eat that first.]]]]> ]]>