Horoscopes for February 1, 2011

If today is your birthday: Your dramatic exit will be ruined by your repeated attempts to slam the revolving door. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Just because the product’s name is SHAMpoo doesn’t mean you should avoid it. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Instead of hitting the deer, send him an email with a few choice words. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Be prepared for the overwhelming sound of crickets. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Spend the day making musical instruments from Vegetables. Everyone will onve you new carrot flute. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Victory will be yours today. Pay no attention to your child’s cries of unfairness, celebrate wildly. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Pray that your brain is faster than your mouth. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Psychopath is not a special lane for all of those drivers that make you mad. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Put your powers of deduction to good use today. Do your taxes. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Productivity is good, but procrastination ensures that you’ll be busy tomorrow. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Reality is a very nice place. You should visit sometime. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) If you are face with a bear attack, play dead. This, however, doesn’t work on your wife. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) If you laugh, we laugh. If you cry, we cry. If you fall at the Wal-Mart, we laugh really hard!]]]]> ]]>