Horoscopes for February 12, 2011

If today is your birthday: Don’t plan on a relaxing day. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Don’t even bother trying to drown your sorrows. They are good swimmers. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You will get plenty of exercise today. The neighbor’s dog will see to it. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You should put a leash on your mind today, or else it will wonder off completely. Aries (March 21 – April 19) You life will not pass you by, it will run you over.   Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Resist the urge to catch up on your chores today, the couch misses you. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Pepper spray creates more seasoned criminals. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Enjoy sleeping on the couch. Leo (July 23 – August 22) I see the circus is in town. I mean, I love your new hair color. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) The rats left you a present last night. Enjoy. Libra (September 23 – October 22) We figured out your plans to take over the world. We will be by to chat with you later. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Company will show up unexpectedly today. Sorry we spoiled the surprise. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Skip the dessert.]]]]> ]]>