Horoscopes for February 14, 2011

If today is your birthday: Resist the urge to smack people who say, “Awwww, how cute, you’re a Valentine’s baby. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Confucius say…. Who are we kidding? We’re lucky spell check knew how to spell Confucius!   Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) If people tell you to stop acting dumb today, you will have to explain to them that you are not acting. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) We’re not trying to run your life or anything, but you should never mention that thing you did last night. Ever. To anyone. Aries (March 21 – April 19) You will not even understand the words that are coming out of your own mouth today.   Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Some days you are the windshield, today you are the bug. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You will wish for all of those naps you refused to take when you were a kid. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) In case of zombie outbreak, you are permitted to totally freak out. Otherwise stay calm, cool and collected. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Don’t allow anyone to invade your personal bubble. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Warning! Your life has been place under a ‘Temper tantrum Warning’. Should a temper tantrum break out in your area, hold your breath and count to ten. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Your floor is actually hot, molten lava. Just spend the day on the couch. Anyone who wants to fuss at you will be immediately consumed. Problem. Solved. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Live it up and really taste the rainbow. Eating that box of crayons isn’t exactly what we had in mind. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) If you feel down and out, say the word arugula. There! Don’t you feel better?]]]]> ]]>