Horoscopes for February 16, 2011

If today is your birthday: Don’t text and drive, you won’t be able to express yourself to the other drivers. And we are huge on self-expression. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You have a 85% chance of putting your foot in your mouth today. Proceed with caution. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) The cooking fairies will not be with you today. Have dinner out. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) u didnt bat a i @ dis. You understand this and that means you need to seek help. It may already be too late. Aries (March 21 – April 19) The rice crispies of the world are tired of our enjoyment at their drowning gasps and are planning a revolt. Wear shoes to help stomp out the revolution.   Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Visit the bathroom before you get in the checkout line. It’s going to be a long wait. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You know how curiosity killed the cat? Today you are the cat. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Lately you have been questioning your sanity. We will assume its a rhetorical question. Leo (July 23 – August 22) If you feel angry, you should sing, “I’m a Little Teapot” as loud as you can. Knowing all of the song will make you feel even calmer. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Today the only thing you can count on is your fingers. Libra (September 23 – October 22) You’re going to need more duct tape. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Your plan is dangerous, haphazard, and just plain foolish. We LOVE it!!! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) We know how much you love men in uniforms. That’s why we sent the ones in white coats to see you.]]]]> ]]>