Horoscopes for February 19, 2011

If today is your birthday: You will be struck by a case of OCD today. Your attention will be drawn to counting bricks. Enjoy your visit to downtown. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You should carry around a banana peel in your pocket. You’ll know when and how to use it. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Now being able to figure out your smart phone is, in fact, a valid excuse to check you kindergartner out of school early. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You will spend the day preoccupied with your toes. Have you considered that tiny micro organisms from the planet K4986-ss7 have set up their new base of operations between your pinky and whatever the name of the one beside it is. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Freddy Kruger will make a move on you at… Oh, what? OHHH, horoscope. Not horrorscope.   Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You will rush around in that “It’s time to make the donuts” way today. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Don’t lose track of time. You REALLY don’t want the kids busting you playing Kinect, do you? Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Just grin and bare it…. Ummm, that’s not exactly what we had in mind. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Just a useful bit of information you will need, saving your toenail clippings in a cute jar beside your bed is a sign of a severe illness. it is not the best thing to share on a first date. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Spend a little bit more time perfecting you voice throwing skills before you attempt insulting your boss to his face. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Before you attempt to change the subject with your father-in-law by changing the subject, we should warn you that it is common knowledge that football season is over. How are dem Bears, probably won’t work. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Everywhere you turn, sock monkeys will be peering out of the darkness, following your every move and plotting you finish off the last of the cookies when you least expect it. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You are going to be approached by a hot mysterious stranger today. Oh, my God, will you marry me is not an appropriate opening line.]]]]> ]]>