Horoscopes for February 2, 2011

If today is your birthday: Believing in superstitions only brings bad luck. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Scientist have searched and searched, but there is just no cure for stupidity. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You will attain “Norm” status today. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You will discover number 4 today. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Today you will know how the washing machine feels. Agitated . Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Today you will be a juice box hero with straws in your eyes. Wait. That’s not quite right. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You are going to have a fantastic day! Just not today. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE IT IS IN ALL CAPS. Leo (July 23 – August 22) No, “bags fly free” does not apply to your insane sister in law. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Even though the new airport scanners can see all of your private bits, your emotional baggage is still safe. Libra (September 23 – October 22) It will sudden strike you that even though you are all grown up, you still have no clue what the road runner was saying. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Life is very hectic today. You REALLY should offer to do the dishes. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Yay toast!!!]]]]> ]]>