Horoscopes for February 23, 2011

If today is your birthday: If you take off all of your clothes and run around town, we can guarantee that you will have a firm bed to sleep in. We know how much you hate that soft one your wife made you buy. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Spend the day enjoying the nice mild weather we have been having. Try not to think about the growing grass, mounting ant armies, and approaching onslaught of mosquitoes. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Don’t take your car to work this morning. Use an alternate method of transportation. We suggest skipping. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Weasels are, in fact, allergic to mulberry bushes. That means that the monkey was just a terrorizing bully. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Open your mind to strange and unusual ideas. Some of our choices include typing with your toes, playing the spoons, and making scale models of everyone you meet. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Today will be packed with 45% more sarcasm. Ok, make that 50%. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Popular belief suggests that a spoonful of sugar will help medicine go down. We prefer ketchup. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) The term ‘retro’ does not apply to your old hammer pants. Leo (July 23 – August 22) You have to learn to let go of the past. Either that or go on Hoarders. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Take up a new craft. Knitting with cat hair is a good choice. It’s green and free. Libra (September 23 – October 22) The song says’ “Stop in the name of love”. Not, “Stop in the name of some crazy, psycho, stalker dude”. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Paper cuts hurt really bad considering they are so small. But you already figured that part out, huh? Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Don’t make up excuses for your bad behavior. Make up entire stories, complete with flash backs.]]]]> ]]>