Horoscopes for February 27, 2011

If today is your birthday: The first law of Rap is E=MC Hammer. You will get caught in a spur of the moment trivia contest. This info will help you save face. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) People will think you have lapsed into a time warp infomercial when you jump up from your desk and shout, “Stop the Insanity” Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Today will treat you like a red-headed step child. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Beware of squeaky toys in mass quantities. They have been secretly gathering in large numbers, plotting… something. Aries (March 21 – April 19) All your life you have been told that you don’t know Jack. Today you realize that you do, in fact, know Jack. He’s the guy down the street with the large dog. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) When we suggested that you change you appearance, the pink mo-hawk is not exactly what we had in mind. We know accidents happen, though, and the stylist did her best. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You will question everything you have ever been told when you realize that marshmallows are not really made in a marsh. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) You whole out-look on life will change when you realize that they are fairyTALES and not fairyTAILS. Leo (July 23 – August 22) The only cure for today is one scotch, one bourbon and one beer. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Your Cinderella story will end with you being trapped in a rotting pumpkin. Libra (September 23 – October 22) You will spend a large portion of your day wondering why laffy taffy isn’t really that funny. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will be a little silver ball trapped in the pinball game of life. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You will need to crawl to bed on your belly army-style tonight. Don’t worry about what you will do to get in this situation, you will find out soon enough.]]]]> ]]>