Horoscopes for February 3, 2011

If today is your birthday: If someone asks you “What kind of idiot are you?”, think long and hard before you answer. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You can not go hunting in the frozen food department. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Your imaginary friend will wreak havoc in your life today. What? You don’t have an imaginary friend? Oh, you poor non believer. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) No matter how many times you snap your fingers, wriggle your nose, or bob your head; the house will not clean itself. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Everything doesn’t always go your way. Pout. It really works.   Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Referring to dinner with the in-laws as “Monsters Vs Aliens” is probably not a good idea. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) We are going to learn to type with our toes. We think you should try it with us. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) You will begin to panic in a very public place. Calm down and pull the door instead of pushing. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Know when it is time to yell cut and call in your stunt double. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Normal is a figment of your imagination. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Today will be a gallon ice cream day. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Start preparing your insanity defense. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Don’t you think it is kind of confusing that you have been told your whole life not to color on the walls, now “writing on your wall” is all the rage.]]]]> ]]>