Horoscopes for February 8, 2011

If today is your birthday: You will feel like an old version of windows on a cheap PC that is missing the ALT key. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) That speck of dirt on the wall just moved. Just thought you’d like to know. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You should keep your drunk friends away from the zoo; she may mistake a rhino for a unicorn. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) The force is strong with you, but the dark side has candy. Aries (March 21 – April 19) There is not an app to turn your phone into a taser. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) This horoscope is FREE! (Offer not valid in RI, MA, or NY) Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You should at least listen to the voices in your head, they may have some good ideas. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) The bald guy at work loves it when you rub his head. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Women everywhere will crown you the leader of the world if you invent a ‘fold’ cycle for the dryer. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) So, what are we doing today, Brain? Libra (September 23 – October 22) You should spend the day in front of the mirror trying to catch yourself blinking. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Wear camo today. When you say something dumb, noone will see that it was you. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Spend the day pondering this: How come evaporated milk isn’t just an empty can.]]]]> ]]>