Horoscopes for January 24, 2011

If today is your birthday: Make up your own words and try to teach others your new language.  Who knows, maybe it’ll stick.   Blifulnerpop!  (That means “Happy Birthday”) Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Powerful winds are blowing. You should have taken that Bean-O Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) The dawn will bring new light to the world… and to your eyes…  You woke up early and had to read this to realize that the cats tore down your curtains. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Today is hereafter day… you will constantly be asking “What am I here after?” Aries (March 21 – April 19) The stars are coming into alignment but your wheels are moving further away. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You wear the sign of the bull well, too bad that, today, you also wear it’s smell. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You will find that your workday will not seem as long today.  That’s because you forgot to set your clock! Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Someone will irritate you today.  When they do, look at them squarely in the eye and tell them, “Dyslexic atheists believe that there is no Dog!”  Then walk away. Leo (July 23 – August 22) It’s a good day to wear green.  I see guacamole in your future… or at least that’s what I think that stuff is on your shirt. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) The song from yesterday is still stuck in your head.  Turn your radio up to drown out the sound. Libra (September 23 – October 22) The doctor will see you now. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will find what your favorite Pisces is looking for. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You will come to the realization that life is a cage match and your chair is a weapon being used against you.]]]]> ]]>