Horoscopes for July 2, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  You are half way there! Just keep your eyes on the prize Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Do you ever feel as though you are being watched and followed? Never let anybody tell you that you are always wrong. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You know that weird feeling you get when you become aware of your breathing? The one where you feel like you have to remind yourself when to breathe in and then out? That will happen to you a lot today. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Y R U trin to read dis? If u cnt undstnd…. u 2 old. sry 2 tel u dis nuse Aries (March 21 – April 19) A nice young man will draw your attention. We have never seen an artist make these claims, but his visual representation your attention sure is pretty. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You have always been the one to fix up everyone else’s bo-bos. Now you are the one hurt. Lets see who comes with lips puckered. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You should shave your head. We know that this will be a daring move, but we think your cranium has the roundness to pull it off. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Today you will give up that last tiny piece of your childhood. Your wife will be so happy to not have to sleep with your blankie. We are so proud of you. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Think of all the starving Ethiopians and swallow down that burger whole. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You should be proud of your accomplishments. Ok, not that proud. Yeah, right there. Good job. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Finding your keys today will prove impossible. Tonight when you start to make dinner, you will be amazed at where they turn up. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Local people have a nick name for you. No, we aren’t telling. Just wanted to warn you. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Come on you dish it out. Suck it up and take it like a man.]]]]> ]]>