Connect with us
[the_ad_placement id="manual-placement"] [the_ad_placement id="obituaries"]

Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for July 27, 2011




If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  It’s time to come to terms with the fact that even though you were born on the same day as Triple H, when you spit water everywhere, it’s just gross! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You will receive a call from someone who says that they are from a place called Play Dates for Grown Ups.  Please give them your credit card number so that we can ensure that our next vacation goes off without a hitch.  We promise to pay you back! Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) If God is truly your co-pilot, who is in charge of the radio station? Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You will be completely embarrassed today when you lose track of where you are and what you’re doing and start dancing like Shakira! Aries (March 21 – April 19) OWWWW!  Ok… we may need to take some time off or at least file a Workmen’s Comp claim with VDN!  We went to go consult your stars and the sun is directly in the middle of them!  That really hurts.  Do you realize how tiny our eyeballs are? Taurus (April 20 – May 20) A mysterious envelope will arrive with the phrase, “YOU MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER!” emblazoned across the front of it.  Throw it in the garbage!  It’s junk and nobody wins in the end anyway! Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Are you afraid of snakes?   We hope not! Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Gather up your dirty clothes and wash them.  Your water will go out and you’ll be prepared to at least dress in clean clothes. Leo (July 23 – August 22) You are planning on heading to the gym.  This is the third time this week you have planned this activity and there’s always an excuse.  Just admit that you’re destined to be a fat, fat, fatty or get off your keister and go to the gym already.  Stop letting yourself down! Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Keep an ace bandage and some sports tape handy.  This day is gonna be a little painful! Libra (September 23 – October 22) You will be horrified when you see the gum that the little one made sure was in your back floorboard.  That’s gonna take some work to get out.  There goes the re-sale value! Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Achieving balance is difficult when you can’t see.  Try standing on both legs and figure out why your eyes are swollen shut! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) What you are using is not sign language.   The kid taught you gang signs and if you don’t stop, you might become a target!  Go get the kid and turn him over your knee and give him an old fashioned whooping!]]]]> ]]>

See a typo? Report it here.
Continue Reading