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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for July 4, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  Be glad for each year older you get. There’s no need to act like such a baby over your age. Even if you do remember what dirt was before it became dirt. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) No matter what anybody says, you can too fly. You only have to believe hard enough. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You are going through life backwards. You should turn around now and try to fix the mess you’ve gotten yourself into. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Time to face the music. Isn’t it beautiful? Aries (March 21 – April 19) It’s time you bucked up and acted like a man. What? You aren’t a man? Then this will be a difficult day for you. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You will find yourself in a dark place today. Keep feeling along the wall, we are sure there is a switch somewhere. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You life will be torn in two. It’s alright though. Didn’t you always want to be twins? Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Join a club. No, not a club sandwich. How could you possibly “join” a sandwich? Maybe not a club after all. Go for a group instead. We searched for a Stupid Questions Anonymous, but had no luck. Leo (July 23 – August 22) It’s that time a year again. No, sweating till you are soaking wet does not constitute a shower. We have to have this conversation with you every year. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Have you ever though of playing the banjo? We think it will help you get out and meet new folks. See how we said “folks” instead of people? Libra (September 23 – October 22) You will suffer from a strange allergic reaction to all the bar b que  you will eat today. We would tell you what caused it, but the laughs will be too good. Collagen will probably be your nickname for the rest of your life. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Begin your day with a run. This will not be by choice. The neighbors got a new dog. SURPRISE!!!! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Never give in to peer pressure. Yes this is advice from your childhood. It still holds true today. Even if the media isn’t shoving it down your throat.]]]]> ]]>

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