Horoscopes for July 8, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! You will have a craving for something unusual. Peanut butter and mayo sandwiches will fit the bill quite nicely. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Nobody will expect you to show up in full Superman costume. You will get lucky enough to be accepted into the crowd and be the envy of all the kiddies. That wasn’t your intention? Better rethink your choices. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You will fall head over heels today. Hope you have the cash for the copay. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) This is the day that you will say goodbye. Goodbye to your favorite teddy bear. Your wife will be so happy to get to sleep without the stinky old thing. Aries (March 21 – April 19) In the interest of fairness, we should tell you that there has been a massive painting effort all over town. You will thank us. Paint doesn’t wash out too easily. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Your day will go as well as the SS Minnow’s did. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Please forgive that guy. He really did mean well. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Keep you eyes to the north. Huge things are brewing and you don’t want to get caught unawares. Leo (July 23 – August 22) In the afternoon you will feel discombobulated. You should lie down for a nap. It will do your mind good. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Love your neighbor. This will be a tough job today. Seeing as it is their sole purpose in life to annoy to living daylights out of you. Libra (September 23 – October 22) During the next few hours, you will have to do things that you never thought you would be able to do. Better carry a baggie. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) By the time you read this the stars will have changed their plans for you. Oh well. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Beware of saxophones. If you hear one today, you should assume the tornado position from school.]]]]> ]]>