Horoscopes for June 10, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Tell someone that you care for that you are really worried that someone might throw you a surprise party and that it’s making you nervous about the day.  This is a sure fire way to make sure that you either have a party or have your friends and family call you to wish you a happy birthday.    The fact is:  You know that you are always forgotten on your birthday and it makes you really sad.  Head that problem off by taking our advice. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Bring mayonnaise to the party, not mustard. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Wherever you go today, you will feel as if someone is following you.  It’s not a stalker.  It’s the hitman that someone paid to make sure you stop staring through the bedroom window. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) It’s a great day to drown your sorrows!  Slide a twenty to the bartender and tell them to keep the beer coming. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Rise to the occasion.  Stand up out of your computer chair and see if your legs still work. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Sleep this afternoon.  You’re not gonna get much later tonight. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Try this.  Put on your best clothes and head out into the world with a smile on your face.  Practice your smile in the mirror.  Try not to look like a dog showing off his teeth this time. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Yes, there is such a thing as a worm hole.  Look inside the walls of your home and you’ll find them.  They’re everywhere. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Really?  That’s what your thinking of doing?  Seriously.  Think again, and this time, be more realistic in your expectations. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Terror will enter into play a little later today.  You will be working at your computer and will be doing something of great importance when the power blinks out.  Remember to save your progress periodically.   Thing is… you have a really bad memory and won’t remember to hit save. Libra (September 23 – October 22) In an alternate reality, you’re a supermodel who dates other supermodels.  Too bad you can’t be your other self for a day! Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will begin to see changes in your life.  First, you’ll notice a reduction in bathroom clutter.  Next, you’ll notice that there is more room in your closet. Then more things will begin to become apparent that things have changed, but it won’t be until you read this that your realize that they left and took your television with them. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Try again.  That one sucked!]]]]> ]]>