Horoscopes for June 13, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! You will realize that just because an idea comes to you in a dream, doesn’t mean that you can actually fly.  Unfortunately you will only realize this while you are being transported to the emergency room after jumping from your kitchen table and landing face first on the floor. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You’ve stuck to your diet and deserve a reward.  Just this once, you can have that third dessert. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You will unwittingly divulge national secrets in one of your e-mails today.  The “men in black” will be awaiting you when you get home. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Some days seem funny when you look back on them.  Today will be an exception. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Your word is your bond.  Today your bond is like that of a post-it note. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Your graceless style in the kitchen will leave you with a film on your floor that will take you weeks, not to mention the copious amount of cleaning agents, to clean up. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You will spend the day without meeting a single solitary soul, though you will meet lots of people.  Hmmm…. we didn’t realize that you were gonna be in a room full of lawyers! Cancer (June 21 – July 22) That new computer is a real whiz-bang dealio.  You’ve graduated into one of the best Minesweeper players in history!  Congrats! Leo (July 23 – August 22) You’re beginning to detect strong feelings of ill will from the other people at the office. You should stop showing up every day or get a job there. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Your best friend will finally prove to everyone’s satisfaction that his crippled old grandmother could take you in a fight. Libra (September 23 – October 22) You will finally achieve a lifelong dream of getting on television when you jump up and down and wave while standing behind the news reporter. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You are starting to find yourself more and more obsessed with people who, unlike yourself, actually do things. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Financial experts know that a number of factors are to blame for the downturn, but still won’t be able to shake the hunch that it was all your fault somehow.]]]]> ]]>