Horoscopes for June 16, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Enjoy your day. That’s it. No strings attached. Really. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) There are no easy solutions, only gut wrenching, agonizing questions. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) If at first you don’t succeed, give up and hire a real professional. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You thought you could. Good job! Too bad, in the end, you really couldn’t. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Today is a fresh new day. Full of promise. That is, until you put your dirty mitts all over it. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Stop. Drop and Roll! No, there is no threat of fire. It’s a new dance routine we think you would pull off perfectly. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Be brave and remember, you get 2 for flinching. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Yum! Bacon. Leo (July 23 – August 22) In order to get a mate, you should cover yourself in butter and make the mating call of toast. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Winning is overrated. Be content to be second. In everything. Libra (September 23 – October 22) You are not that great a judge of character. Now this evening when you get left holding the check at dinner, you won’t be too terribly shocked. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) No, that is not normal. Stop poking at it. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Take off all of your clothes, run around the parking lot, screaming, while pulling your hair out. It probably won’t actually solve and problems (and may cause some new ones), but you will feel totally energized.]]]]> ]]>