Horoscopes for June 18, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Being one year older doesn’t mean you are too old to party! Just smart enough to know that the landlord will not think that is a cute excuse when he comes calling on Monday. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Everything that shines is not gold. In fact most things that glitter are very harmful to he human body. You, especially should avoid, glass, glitter, silver, platinum, brass, patent leather, and above all else, your spouse’s bald head. We know this will be a hard chore for you today, but you must. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) A storm is a brewing on the horizon. No ordinary umbrella will do for this one. Better stay inside. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) When the whole truth comes out about what you are planning for this weekend, we don’t want to be anywhere near the fan. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Wish you could see the look on your face later today! Try to face mirrors whenever possible. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Yes, we know that your situation is sticky. We know sticky situations, like being stuck to a glue trap. Every move you make gets you stuck deeper. We have one piece of advice for you, lie very still. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Help a stranger in need today. You never know when that stranger will win the lottery and remember your faux-kindness and send you some dough. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Bask in the glory of the knowledge that you go all of the answers right! No, it doesn’t matter if you are competing against 2nd graders. You are right and that’s what counts! Leo (July 23 – August 22) Let the good times roll! Try not to think about tomorrow, when you will feel like they rolled right over and through you. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Get active with the community. We’re sure that there is already a village idiot, but maybe you could be an apprentice. Libra (September 23 – October 22) After all of the hard work you have put in, the results should be spectacular. They won’t be, but that’s a whole other story. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Jumping to conclusions will get you thrown overboard. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Think of the children.]]]]> ]]>