Horoscopes for June 9, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!  We know you didn’t want everybody to go all out. So, don’t be disappointed when they don’t. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Bragging will only get you in over your head. Skip the theatrics and just be yourself. We know that won’t impress anyone, but at least you are honest. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Winning is the ultimate goal. Don’t compromise your morals to get there, though. What? No morals? Then just win. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) So long and thanks for all the fish. Cryptic, huh? Aries (March 21 – April 19) Run for your life today. There is a pack of hungry dogs in your neighborhood and that pork chop in your pocket will ensure you get plenty of exercise. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Some people will do anything for attention. Wearing that definitely puts you in the “some people” category. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) This is the day that you will stand up for what you believe in! Don’t be surprised if you stand alone when people find out that you believe the lunch serving lady is from the planet Marsha and should be praised for her large bulbous nose. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) You can always get what you want. Heck, you can’t even get the things you need. You should look for a better job. Belly button lint collecting doesn’t seem to be paying the bills. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Roger, from the temporal lobe, thinks that your new haircut is fabulous! He’s blind in one eye and can’t see out of the other. We’d be cautious about taking his advice. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Thanks to you, nobody in the office will have coffee. You know what kind of disaster this will be. Wear your body armor. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Isn’t there something that you are forgetting? Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You won’t be laughing by the end of the day. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Try as you may, you will never be able to hold your breath long enough to see how you would look as a Smurf.]]]]> ]]>