Horoscopes for March 10, 2011

If today is your birthday: Happy Birthday! An annoying song sung out of key is in your future. Jockey for free food at restaurants, because some of your friends are gonna cheap out on the gifts this year. You’ll be luckier in love this year, because, well, the economy is in the toilet. Have fun being old. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Office snacks are way too tempting. Wear your fat pants. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Today you are likely to drop the ball. Keep the ball close to the toes of your enemies and make the most of a bad situation. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Songs on the radio will be amazingly relevant to your life. Avoid crying on freeways or at least move into the slower lanes. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Get your head out of the clouds or out of your butt and pay attention–especially when at the ATM machine. You don’t want to lose that card–AGAIN. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You’re missing the mark. Move over. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) The desert of discontent is upon you. Drink more water. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Your ship has come in. Too bad you’re not at the docks. Leo (July 23 – August 22) A co-worker is jealous of your perceived success. Revel in it. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You are almost out of clean socks. Don’t sweat laundry. Just buy more socks Libra (September 23 – October 22) You’ve got the “Eye of the Tiger.” Unfortunately you also have the smell of the jungle. Avoid intimate encounters. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Success is contagious, and you need to catch it. Look for some coat tails–FAST! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) An old crush comes back and crushes you some more.]]]]> ]]>