Horoscopes for March 22, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Go fly a kite. No, really, the weather is great for kite flying. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) A strange accident will lead to a shortage in dental floss.  Stock up while you can still afford it. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You know that dream you had where you were skipping through a field.  The sun was high, a gentle breeze was blowing and everything seemed perfect….  Today will be the polar opposite of that dream! Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You’ve been told all your life that your looks will only take you so far.  Well… Today is the end of your free ride! Aries (March 21 – April 19) You will give up any doubts you had about the Easter Bunny after a strange encounter at the pet store. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You will be speechless several times today.  You are not losing your mind.  Supersonic microscopic anti-thought rays of doom have been at an all-time high this year. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Indulge your desire to do childish things.  Start with making a macaroni necklace, but stop before you get to cow-tipping. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) When your boss starts breathing down your neck later this week, it’s perfectly acceptable to plug your ears with your fingers and yell “LALALALALALA” at the top of your lungs. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Speak of the devil… guess who will be at your house over the weekend…  you guessed it… your mother-in-law! Virgo (August 23 – September 22) It will be a shock for you to find out that Bobby and Sue are romantically inclined.  It really shouldn’t shock you, because we just told you! Libra (September 23 – October 22) The stars are all in alignment for a walk on the wild side, but you will find that there is no way to get across or through the fence to get there. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You can get away with whatever you choose to do today.  Don’t abuse it, though.  You will have to answer for those things tomorrow. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You will wake to find that you blood has been replaced with a substance that has the consistency of CheezWhiz.]]]]> ]]>