Horoscopes for March 3, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday. Feel free to act like a complete brat. This wont be any different than any other day, just more forgiveable. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) At the end of the day, when all is said and done, you thank your un-lucky stars for today Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Be careful with your web of lies. Big spiders prey on little shrimp like you. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) New studies prove that insanity is contagious. This means that you are off the invite list for the Christmas party this year. Aries (March 21 – April 19) You will suddenly be drawn to make your mark on the world. Too bad your Mommy only lets you have washable markers. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You should stand on your own two feet. If you stand on someone elses, they may knowck you down a few feet. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You will be running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Tonight you will sleep like that same chicken. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) You’d better eat an extra bowl of Wheaties this morning. Leo (July 23 – August 22) If you have to kiss a bunch of frogs to get a prince, how bad do you REALLY want a prince. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Those are mighty big thoughts for such a small brain. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Avoid drama at all costs. This will mean turning off you cell phone and the tv and baracading yourself in your room. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Don’t take no for an answer. Nah, nah, nah is, however, acceptable. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Don’t let people make fun of you. That’s our job and we rats take pride in our work.]]]]> ]]>