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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for March 9, 2011




If today is your birthday: Today will be plagued by much bad juju. You should precede with caution. Carrying around a chicken’s foot would hurt. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Our future is uncertain. We are slowly being infiltrated by aliens from galexies far and wide. Quit your job and watch Star Trek reruns to prepare yourself on social customs from around the universe. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) If you feel overly stressed, you should hold your breath until you pass out. This saves you from having to deal with the problem and someone else will feel sorry for you and do your work. win/win. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Speak softly and carry a big megaphone. There is no use in straining your vocal chords. Aries (March 21 – April 19) When dealing with matters of the heart, keep your mouth shut. Your friends just want to rope you into it so they can blame you on their bad decision making. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Your husband expects you to jump out of bed, bright eyed and bush-tailed. Go get him a pet squirrel. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You have a very important meeting scheduled for today. Make sure you take your crayons and plenty of drawing paper. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) We know someone who knows someone who might know a guy who can find someone to take care of that problem of yours. Leo (July 23 – August 22) When life gives you lemons, be thankful and think of all those starving kids in Ethiopia that your mom always told you about. Then you can poke out your lip and have a nice little pity party. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Roses are red, violets are blue, have a good time explaining to the ER doc, what happened to you. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Keep this thought with you today: When little kids run up to girls they like and pull their hair or hit them, it’s cute. If you do it, it will be assault. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You should unlock your potential today. Too bad it is Sunday and the locksmith can’t get a key made until Monday. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Those while flakes on your shoulder are not glitter. And no, your hair is not throwing a party because it is happy to be on your head.]]]]> ]]>

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