Horoscopes for November 20, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!!!  There’s a reason to celebrate.  You woke up breathing!  Some people will call you and some won’t.  Don’t be mad.  People have lives. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Skip breakfast. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You should go and console your Ole Miss fan friend.  It’s that bad. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Pant a tree.  No… that’s not a typo.  Pant a tree.  There’s a tree and it needs pants. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Buckle your seatbelt.  It’s gonna be a bumpy ride. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) The world is a vampire sent to change. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) The fact is that you will long for a do-over where yesterday is concerned.  You blew it.  Get over it.  There are no do-overs in life. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Spit in the face of conformity.  Color your mohawk pink! Leo (July 23 – August 22) Contrary to the advice given to us by Douglas Adams in the epic novel Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, today is a good day to panic. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You will suddenly realize that the problem with Washington DC is the same problem that a starving zombie has…. a lack of brains! Libra (September 23 – October 22) You should really go back to school.  We tried reading your facebook status and realized that we can spell better than you. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Be afraid. Justice will be done.  You’re gonna get got!  You really shouldn’t have poured that cup full of water down your friend’s back.  They’ve been plotting on you for a number of years now and today, your number’s up! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Go to Tom’s Diner and find a girl named Luka.  She will lead you to a magnificent treasure… a 1974 Vega!]]]]> ]]>