Horoscopes for October 12, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   You made it one more year and you expect a party? Is that really an accomplishment? Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) That burning smell is coming from you. Stop looking around frantically and do something about it. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Nobody really cares. It is all an elaborate plan to become the beneficiary of your will. You really have them all fooled. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Speaking of having to go job hunting, your job is replacing you with trained rats. Makes you feel important, huh? Aries (March 21 – April 19) Stop what you are doing and do the hokie pokie. It will give you good luck for the rest of the day. Hey, what harm can it do? Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Hump day will be kind to you if you are kind to it. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Help an old lady cross the street. Carma will reward you handsomely. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Rest assured that you will be heard. It probably will be when you least want to be heard, but at least somebody is listening. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Peoplefar and wide will know your name today. Refresh our mind, what is the difference between famous and infamous? Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Many ants will die at your hands today. Millions more will survive and there lies the reason that you will have a nice rest in the emergency room tonight. Libra (September 23 – October 22) If you stand your ground and end up standing alone, you will be in good company. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will get to know a complete stranger really well today. Being trapped in an elevator will make people more open to your strange approach at life. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Measure twice cut once.]]]]> ]]>