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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for October 17, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Ho-hum.  It’s just another day.  Stop feeling so self-important and get on with your life.  Nobody needs to celebrate.  Thank anyone who remembers to wish you well and then go about your normal business. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Do you have any eights? Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You will need to change the air filter on your air conditioner.  The sad part is, that’s the most exciting thing you will do all day. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You will take in more calories today than you will burn over the next three.  And you wonder why you have to buy new jeans. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Golf balls will attack your car.  Good luck explaining that to your insurance agent. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Fried green tomatoes wrapped in bacon and covered in cheese does not constitute a balanced diet. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Okay… Rinse. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Planting tulips along your driveway is another good way to deter the zombies from coming to your home this Halloween.  You will need to do that now, though.  Sorry so late, we just found out! Leo (July 23 – August 22) There is a strange package coming in the mail for you.  We’re not sure what it is, but it is destined to arrive in a plain brown wrapper.  You may want to exercise extreme caution when opening the package. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Abberations will appear in every photo that you take.  You will be confused until you realize that you are being haunted and the ghost is a camera hog.  Try to be quick when you snap your photos.  There is no exorcist who can help you. Libra (September 23 – October 22) All the cops in the donut shop say Way-o, way-o… oh way, oh way oh…. walk like an Egyptian. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will spend the day in complete disbelief.  We don’t know why, you will just wake up with trust issues.  It could be the fact that you just KNEW that the Saints were going to win yesterday.  We could have told you that it wasn’t in the stars. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You will discover a way to turn iron into gold just before banging your head on the kitchen cabinet and knocking yourself out.  When you awaken, you will have forgotten your great discovery.]]]]> ]]>

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