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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for October 18, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Cop a squat.  It’s gonna be a while! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Seeing a “Stop Ahead” sign does not mean that you should reach out and press your passenger’s head back into the headrest.  That ceased to be funny when you were a child.  Just stop it.  Some traditions should just die… this is one of them. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Speaking in public has never been your thing, though it has never been as apparent to the rest of the world as it will be today. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You will attain your goal, but in doing so will sustain first and second degree burns over 3.625 percent of your body. Aries (March 21 – April 19) The lotion that you are using smells good when it’s in the bottle, but something about the way it reacts to your particular body chemistry makes you wreak like soured milk. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Drive slowly past a strangers house today, make the block seventeen times and be sure that you look suspicious when you are doing it.  That’s how you can properly creep someone out. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) The doctor accidentally switched your test results with the patient in the next room. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Vanity is your strongest personality trait. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Staring upwards while leaning back in your chair is a great way to get a nap, while making others think that you are deep in thought. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You’re gonna have a mediocre day.  You actually might get something productive accomplished, but it’s highly unlikely. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Would you please pass the Grey Poupon? Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Greatness will, once again, elude your grasp. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You need to understand that it’s not about whether you win or lose, but rather it’s all about how you play the game.  Who are we kidding.  That’s just what you’re supposed to say to someone who can’t bring themselves to win… someone who constantly loses, though they give it their very best effort.  Face it, some people are not meant to be anything more than good competition for other… better people.  We know that you always give it your all.  We know that you always come up short.  Then, rarely there’s a rare win followed by a long period of disappointment.  Hey… it could be worse.  You could be a Virgo.  They don’t even get that rare win!]]]]> ]]>

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