Horoscopes for October 4, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Some days you are the bug.  Today you are the windshield.  Invest in Windex! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Don’t wear anything that makes your butt look flat.  This could be your day to shine. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Your Glamour Shots are ready.  It’s about time, you had them taken years ago. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Jeremiah was a bullfrog.  He was a good friend of mine. Aries (March 21 – April 19) You should know that price was WAY too good.  You bought a knockoff and there is no return policy.  Don’t be so cheap.  Buy the real thing! Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Make prank calls, eat ice cream & fish sticks – preferably not at the same time, unless you’ve tried it before and liked it – and have a great day playing hookey! Gemini (May 21 – June 20) A small child in some foreign land will go hungry today.  Be thankful you have enough money for the all you can eat buffet and eat enough for the both of you! Cancer (June 21 – July 22) The Force will be without you today.  It’s not like the Force needed you, though.  It’s existed for a long, long time. Leo (July 23 – August 22) You will wonder if your lunchtime server was actually working at the Last Supper.  Make sure that you have a long lunch, you’re gonna need it. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) There are worms in the right-hand drawer.  Do not be alarmed.  They like nice moist places. Libra (September 23 – October 22) The truth is, it was all pretend. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Give a man a fish and you’ll feed him for a day.  Give you a fish and you’ll scream like a little girl. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Pull the cord and hope the chute comes out!]]]]> ]]>