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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for September 1, 2011




If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! This just in: The world revolves around you. No, not really. But you were happy for just on moment in time and that’s what counts. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Spread joy and mirth where ever you go. What is mirth, you may ask? How should we know. We are fortune tellers, not dictionaries! Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Put on a happy face. No, this is not some vague inner voice speaking to you, telling you to kill and wear skin. What’s wrong with you, you weirdo. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Traffic jams will plague your day. Bring reading material and stop on the way and get your air conditioner properly serviced. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Under the desk you are sitting at is a special surprise. It was designed with you in mind. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Pretend to be a bunny and hop around all day. When people ask you what you are doing, just tell them that you are keeping the spirit of spring alive in these harsh conditions. That is if you don’t die from heat stroke first. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Have you ever considered what would happen if you cleaned up your act and got a real job? No? We didn’t think so. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) The more you lie, the deeper you bury yourself. Start working the shovel in the opposite direction and set things straight. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Roll over and play dead. That is your only hope. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Dark Shadows will be with you all day. You should turn the tv off and go for a walk. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Happiness will be all around you today…with everyone else. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Nobody really knows what to make of you. Thought you should know. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Keep a stiff upper lip. Of course you have no choice with the corner store botox you injected yourself. Good job!]]]]> ]]>

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