Horoscopes for September 12, 2011

Rupert & la Familia de la Rata With that said… it’s time to get down to the bad news… If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Gargle.   You could use it! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You constantly take the simple things for granted.   You’re gonna feel real funny when you forget how to tie your shoes and you have to break out your old velcro sneakers!  HA!  Now, you’ll learn your lesson! Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Jigsaw puzzles can be lots of fun, unless one of the pieces is missing… then they’re extremely frustrating.  That’s how today will feel. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) This guy named Jeremy will strike up a conversation with you today.  He’s got big plans for you.  He seems like a nice guy but he’s only after the contents of your wallet.  Don’t trust him. Aries (March 21 – April 19) That home movie you made shouldn’t be shared.  Face it… nobody should be forced to watch that crap… there’s better film on teeth than what you shot! Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You will find yourself in unfamiliar territory today when you get lost in thought. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You don’t know the meaning of the word “fear.”  It’s not surprising, though.  There are lots of words that you don’t know the meaning of. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) No.  We don’t think that you are a fool.  But then again, what does our opinion matter when compared to hundreds of humans? Leo (July 23 – August 22) You are like a Cancer… not the sign… the disease.  You grow on people. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) There are only two things people dislike about you:  Your faces! Libra (September 23 – October 22) You are the best at what you do!  The problem is that you don’t do anything so… Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) That bust you commissioned of yourself should not be placed in the window right now… wait until it’s a little closer to Halloween. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) That jacket looks really great… just not on you.  Find someone who will make it look good and pick something else from out of the closet.]]]]> ]]>