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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for September 15, 2011

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If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Even though the celebration will only last about seven minutes, it will take you more than an hour to describe your party to your co-workers tomorrow. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Be proud of your feat.  It’s the biggest feat you’ve ever had… considering it’s the ONLY feat, you’ve ever had. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You will be so narrow-minded today that you should have no problem looking through a keyhole with both eyes. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You will hear a turkey gobbling all day long.  You should be warned that the turkey mafia is aware of your plans to find the biggest bird at the grocery for your Thanksgiving celebration.  Their chief scout has found you and you should think about taking him out quickly!!! Aries (March 21 – April 19) Park you car far away from the entrance to the restaurant.  You could really use the exercise to burn off the calories that you will take in at the buffet. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) The best laid plans with not pan out for you.  Face it… you can’t lay the best plans.  You should hire it done, but then again you consistently underperform in the execution phase, too. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Take your time today.  Your stars say that you are going to be mistake-prone. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Grab a burrito or something for breakfast.  Make breakfast a habit.  You’re such a pain when you don’t have breakfast. Leo (July 23 – August 22) You should do something to help the less fortunate, but then again, finding someone less fortunate than you is gonna be hard to do. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Reach into your pocket and remove all that lint.  Didn’t you know that lint is extremely flammable?  You could spontaneously combust or something with all that lint in there. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Feel good about yourself today.  You will have the patience of a saint even though your partner is especially irritating. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Pry your eyes off the backside of that co-worker.  You’re beginning to make them think that your just a creep.  You should keep up the charade for just a little while longer before you let everybody see the real you. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) We would normally tell you to act like a civilized human being today, but then we realized that you aren’t any good at imitations.]]]]> ]]>

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