Horoscopes for September 16, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Everything the light touches is your kingdom.  The biggest difficulty you face is that someone else rules the kingdom and they don’t like you.  Happy birthday, peasant. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Giggle. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) An accident with a power tool will leave you emotionally scarred. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You will finally give up the VCR when you realize that you can no longer buy head cleaner tapes. Aries (March 21 – April 19) The internet is a much faster tool than the set of encyclopedias sitting on your shelf.  Find something to do with them.  Maybe you could do something crafty.  That would be cool! Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Spend time instead of money.  You’re broke.  Someone got your debit card and started charging all kinds of things.  Oh.. by the way.  You’re missing your debit card.  You left your wallet unattended at the restaurant yesterday and the card walked off in someone else’s pocket. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Market yourself better.  Start with wearing socks that match. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) The problem with dating people with a past is that the past tends to repeat itself.  Get out now! Leo (July 23 – August 22) You were dying in your dream last night and when you saw the light at the end of the tunnel, you blew it out.  What kind of person does that? Virgo (August 23 – September 22) When it comes time to collect the wages of sin, you’re gonna get paid double time for all that extra work you’ve put in. Libra (September 23 – October 22) We are beginning to wonder if you can read or if you just have a condition that causes you to push when the door clearly says PULL! Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Playing Angry Birds will cost you your job.  We’re not saying stop.  With all the experience you’ve got, you may be able to get into a tournament where you could win big money!!! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) There is a reason that your best friend has stopped talking to you.  Everything you hear goes in one ear and out through your fingers onto Facebook!]]]]> ]]>