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Just Plain Fun

Horoscopes for September 2, 2011




If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday! Try something new today.  Maybe you could remove your head from your rear end and actually be thankful that someone actually remembered that it was your birthday and thought enough to at least say something uplifting to you. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Please don’t give us that line.  We know that you are an excuse machine, but they don’t work with us and the people that you CONSTANTLY give them to are starting to think you’re full of it. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Jamming out to the tunes in your car is all well and good… right up until you run into that SUV a little later today.  Turn it down… maybe you’ll avoid the accident waiting… or at least save your eardrums.  Besides, who wants to hear that crap you listen to anyways? Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Close the door on that old flame… they’ve already doused it with hundreds of gallons of water… if you get our drift. Aries (March 21 – April 19) You are truly special.  So special you should wear a helmet. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You are avoiding a situation because you are afraid.  Stop being a wuss.  We believe the proper term to use is “Man-Up”  The situation may actually be salvageable, but you are the one who has to take the first step, fraidy-cat! Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Cathead biscuits are not made out of cat heads (much to our dismay), so you can relax.  Put some syrup or gravy… or even some butter on it and chow down!!!  BTW… they call them cathead biscuits because they’re as big as a cat’s head. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Lock your doors, keep the lights off and remain quiet.  There are people coming over to your home to ask you for money.  We think they’re from some non-profit organization, which would be alright, but they might be bill collectors… and that would be bad.  Hey… you did pay your car note, right? Leo (July 23 – August 22) You have a serious lack of ambition.  We recommend that you join Slackers Anonymous.  There might actually be someone there who makes you feel good about being you. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Pick up a book.  It will make you look smart… as long you avoid books with lots of pictures.  You could fool lots of people like that. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Your chance at a free lunch will come today when your best friend invites you out.  Beware.  They will have conveniently forgotten their wallet and will ask you to pick up the tab… after having six margaritas. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) There’s no need to leave the house today.  You have food, water and toilet paper.  Stay home and watch TV! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Join the gym.  You could use the workout… or in your case… lots of workouts!]]]]> ]]>

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