Horoscopes for September 21, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   You should have hired a PR person to remind your friends and family.  (That’s our way of saying that MOST of the people you know will forget you!!! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) A new person will breeze into your life.  The breeze will clear the air and make you realize how bad your BO is. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You will suddenly get a fresh perspective on life and then, just as quickly, you’ll be back to the same old you. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Someone will see you in the buff.  It won’t be pretty! Aries (March 21 – April 19) The stars spat out some gobbledygook that we didn’t understand about a shovel and pile of (insert really bad word here) as tall as you are, so we’re just gonna tell you that we hope you have a nice day. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Polish your car.  It’s gonna be a great day to do that.  Don’t worry about work.  They don’t need you anymore. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Stop crying.  It’s all going to be okay.  Other people’s happiness is not your responsibility. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) We hope that the day finds you well.  You won’t find it well.  You’ll be stumbling around in a fog for most of the day, but that’s normal from what we understand. Leo (July 23 – August 22) You’ll be easy to pin down today, considering the handcuffs and bungee cords that guy used to tie you up with.  What kind of game are you playing.  It doesn’t look too fun to us. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You think you are a good singer.  The rest of the world knows otherwise! Libra (September 23 – October 22) The attempt you will make to cook dinner.  Order pizza instead.  See..  BS Cares! Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) A minor detail will force you to change your plans.  The person you were going on a date with was not born with the parts that they have now!  At least we think that’s a minor detail.  You might think it’s major, though. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You rent will be late next month.]]]]> ]]>