Horoscopes for September 28, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Have a Coke and a smile.  Feel happy about the day. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) The bluebird of happiness will grace your doorstep with a sweet whistle and then proceed to your neighbor’s doorstep to do her business. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) There is a rainbow waiting for you at the end of the day. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Roll with the punches, you won’t get hit.  This day will bring remarkable success in your tasks. Aries (March 21 – April 19) The scene-stealer was terminated.  The office is now your playground. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Squirrels are building a shrine to you out of the acorns they’ve been collecting for winter. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Pablo farted.  We’re sorry. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Face the day with a fresh outlook and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the way people treat you. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Some Juan wanted us to tell you that you’re sexy! Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You ears will begin to ring after lunch.  Don’t worry.  It’s not some weird disease.  We know that you’re prone to thinking those kinds of things.  It’s just a change in the barometric pressure. Libra (September 23 – October 22) You can see the sunshine through the clouds today. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will get that promotion.  Maybe not today, but you will get it.  Just keep your head up and keep the pace you’ve been working at and your tenacity will be rewarded. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Think about baseball.  Swing all night!]]]]> ]]>